STILL HERE ENTERS BUFFALO MASTERS TOURNAMENT WITH 9 GUYS AND A TOTAL OF 8 WORKING BODY PARTS.

STILL HERE will be wheezing its way to Buffalo, New York on March 14-16 to compete in the 50-55 year-old bracket of the Masters Basketball Tournament.

The roster is comprised of the following suspects:

Damon Skinner
Paul Stallings
Rock Supan
Steve Meadows
John Takacs
Bart Skinner
Ed Smith
Rick Burgess
Mark Bruner

We are dedicating this road trip as the CAN I DRINK JOE ROG'S SHARE OF THE BEER? TOUR, in honor of Brother Joe who had planned on playing but decided instead to have leech handlers root around his gall bladder. You know how Joe is--- anything for a day off. Get healthy, Joe. Not having you there to shoot three pointers will only encourage cheap imitators!

Although the remaining squad cannot whine about anything as extreme as a misplaced gall bladder, nine men have been required to assemble enough working body parts to field at least four viable players. At present I count two dislocated shoulders (not on the same guy) --- two broken fingers --- one chronic thumb injury --- one very sore Achilles heel --- two cases of extreme shortness (not everyone can be a center or power forward) --- and eight instances of guys whose jerseys will be tight enough to resemble sausage casings.

We are, in fact, a large team. At least widthwise. With the exception of J.T., who is actually in shape, the rest of us deserve to be standing around a County Fair with signs on our necks offering: GUESS BIG DADDY'S WEIGHT AND WIN A STUFFED HIPPO!

Moreover, we are shy on ballhandlers and three point shooters. That is not to say that we are shy on guys who THINK they can handle the ball and shoot three-pointers. The dynamic, therefore, will result in humor for the game recaps.

Apart from that, there are the usual maladies that accompany older-than-dirt basketball. Some of us cannot get through a quarter without peeing twice. Our first game on Friday is at 9:30 pm which means that some of us will not be sober and Damon will require a long nap, something which he has the tendency to do while actually on the court. Then there are the food allergies which, for most of us, means that if we don't constantly eat we break out in hives.

Fortunately, for our chances of victory, both D-Rex and Pops are bringing fans of the female persuasion. STILL HERE has, for many years, lived and played by the adage that we score an additional six points per man per cheering woman in the stands. We may be short on gas but still have a few dribbles of testosterone in the bag (at least figuratively speaking). It's a well known fact that everyone knows when Paul has a fan of the fair sex in the stands because his first shot invariably is a 360 turnaround jumper from half court.

But enough of the preview. Stay tuned for reports from the road. We may not be much to look at but we talk a great game.