STILL HERE WINS SENIOR OLYMPICS BRONZE MEDAL DESPITE BEST EFFORTS OF TANYA HARDING

From top to bottom:

• Olympic athletes respond to STILL HERE's performance in the 2008 Ohio Senior Olympics.

• The team bedecked in bronze medals. Shortly thereafter we all gave them back to protest the travesty of the Russian Basketball Team being given the gold during the 1972 Munich Olympics.

• Doing what the team does best. East. Drink. Laugh.

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: STILL HERE MEETS IMMOVABLE OBJECT IN SECOND GAME. ALL DOES NOT END WELL.

In game two, STILL HERE came up against a very nice man who also happens to be so large he can be in the lane for three seconds without actually being in the lane at all. He was a force. He was a zip code. He was a planet. Quote of the day credited to Damon Skinner: "He treated us like we were his cell mates." That, by the way, is a compliment. If you listen carefully you can hear the feminine wimperings of the usually robust tandem of Skinner and Bruner as they tremble in the corner squeaking about that big mean man who handed them their asses like two week-old jelly doughnuts. In one photo above you will see D-Rex about to receive an unwelcome procto exam. In the other you will notice Pops reaching over to touch the Big Man just to see if he is real. Advice of the day from our shooting guard, Rick Burgess, offered to Skinner and Bruner as a helpful suggestion: "All you have to do is just box that guy out." Thanks Rick. Guess who gets to guard the ManMountain next time!

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: TAKACS SCORES BUT IN SO DOING BECOMES PERMANENTLY BLURRY. IT HAD TO HAPPEN SOMETIME.

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: OPPOSING PLAYER TURNS INTO A BRAIN-EATING ZOMBIE AND TRIES TO BITE PAUL ON THE NOGGIN

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: RICK BURGESS DEMONSTRATES TO BOTH TEAMS HOW HE WORKED HIS WAY THROUGH SCHOOL AS AN EXOTIC DANCER.

STILL HERE ADVANCES THE STUDY OF GERONTOLOGY BY ENTERING A SQUAD IN THE OHIO SENIOR OLYMPICS.

An Over-50 STILL HERE traveling team consisting of Paul Stallings, Damon Skinner, John Takacs, Rick Burgess and Mark Bruner will be doing sweaty combat in this year’s 3-on-3 basketball category of the Ohio Senior Olympics, to be held Saturday May 3 at Memorial Hall, University of Akron.

And no --- for all the inevitable smart-asses out there --- I did NOT mean to say: “Special Olympics.”

We were struck by the fact that the regulations for fielding a 3-on-3 team in the Senior Olympics program allows for a total roster of ten guys. After chuckling about the need to bring ten guys to fill three positions we then recalled that the ideal number of guys to fill five positions in our recent trip to the Masters Tournament in Buffalo would have been about 86. If our past record of injuries is any indication we may be down to two guys by the time we all get done taking our vigorous pre-game craps.

In looking down the list of sports recognized by the Ohio Senior Olympics program, the MARBLE SHOOTING category caught our eyes. I kid you not. Marble shooting is an Olympic sport for the elderly. We opted not to switch sports, however, for fear that Damon would inevitably pull two hamstrings and a groin muscle while trying to get up and off his knees to shoot an Aggie.

In other pre-tournament news, J.T. has exercised his veto power as our resident Right Winger to nix suggestions from more politically liberal quarters that STILL HERE use the Olympic event to stage some type of protest against China. Some of us still intend to have FREE TIBET written in magic marker on our jock straps.

Perhaps the most disconcerting part of the event, to-date, has been the indication by Paul that information on the Senior Olympics flows through the University of Akron’s department of AGING AND GERONTOLOGY which, presumably, is right next door to the University of Akron’s department of LIVER SPOTS AND RIGOR MORTIS.

Stay tuned, faithful readers. Damage reports will follow the Saturday games and sometime after the mandatory post-game consumption of healthy beverages.