WHY OLD MEN SHOULD NEVER CRITICIZE WOMEN FOR OVER-PACKING

Here is a universal truth about old guy basketball:

More sports injuries are caused by gym bags than by actually playing the game.

Here’s why.

The older a man gets the more he is aware of everything that can kill or main him. Therefore: the older a man gets the more inclined he is to overdoing the Boy Scout’s motto: “Be prepared.”

Put in more bucolic terms: the older a man gets the more crap he lugs around with him.

For example, we of STILL HERE have repeatedly been embarrassed by causing ourselves to be mistakenly identified as team packed for making a full assault on the north face of Mount Everest.

In warm months we are prone to actually hefting around huge coolers of cold water, ice packs, sun screen and chapstick. In the winter our duffels are crammed with hot water thermos jugs, heat packs, bear fat and chapstick. During any season the inventories include aspirin, ibuprofen (if the aspirin doesn’t work), morphine drips (you can’t be too careful), splints, knee braces, nut cups, ankle wrap, finger and wrist tape, head bands, artificial hair, birth certificates, lucky socks, lucky pennies, lucky chapstick, spare nut cup, energy bars (uppers), fruit rollups (downers), the occasional copy of JUGS, August 1972 (great year, great month --- check out Trixie VaVoom), original scent Ben Gay, Old Spice, odor eater shoe inserts, complete team uniform except for everything forgotten at home in the laundry hamper, loose change for beer, cell phone, car keys, Gatorade bottle with green fur growing on the inside --- and that’s only the stuff left over from last year’s tournament.

In short: young guys come equipped to play basketball.

Old guys come equipped to survive Armageddon.