STILL HERE JV --- SWEET MUSIC ON AND OFF THE BASKETBALL COURT

In addition to playing great basketball, some of our STILL HERE JV team are providing great DJ services for any type of party or event. Jory Wilder (left) and Jeremy Skinner (right) through their business NEW ARA PRODUCTIONS, are busy with jobs in the greater Akron area. Check out their website at: www.newaraproductions.com.

STILL HERE SENIOR OLYMPICS 2009

STILL HERE: THE NEXT GENERATION ARRIVES

The STILL HERE JV Team --- winners of the 2009 Olmstead Falls 3-on-3 Basketball Tournament, Open Age Division. From left to right: Alex Avery; Jeremy Skinner (son of Damon Skinner); Abram Bruner (son of Mark Bruner); Jory Wilder. Not shown in photo --- numerous proud biological and adopted fathers of the old generation of STILL HERE!

PASS US THE BALL ONCE IN AWHILE OR WE’LL SPEND YOUR INHERITANCE ON METAMUCIL!

Apart from the increasingly plump stomach that supposedly causes young women to think that an older man is prosperous and highly desirable as someone willing and able to buy Prada handbags and Jimmy Choo shoes, one of the few redeeming aspects of the twilight years as a male basketball player is being able to play on the same court alongside one’s own sons or daughters.

Some of the STILL HERE (CLASSIC GENERATION) have been fortunate enough to stay vertical and mobile long enough to do exactly that, and the pleasure of seeing the STILL HERE (NEW AND IMPROVED GENERATION) growing into good basketball players and even better human beings is truly rewarding to the maximum.

This past weekend STILL HERE fielded two squads in the Olmstead Falls 3-on-3 tournament in the Over 50 division. Participating were Damon Skinner, Bart Skinner, Paul Stallings and Pete Chabra on one team; Steve Meadows, Rick Burgess, Paul Wellener, and Mark Bruner on the second. Although we old men played hard and certainly got in our share of exercise, laughs and postgame beers (the usual), we basically had our collective asses handed to us (the usual) by a few sharpshooting teams.

Of greater importance than our losses, however, was the gratifying fact that a third STILL HERE team --- the STILL HERE JV --- also played at Olmstead Falls. Our junior varsity squad was comprised of Jeremy Skinner (son of Damon Skinner and nephew of Bart Skinner), Jeremy’s friends Jory Wilder and Alex Avery, plus Abram Bruner (son of either Mark Bruner or Bob Campbell, depending on whom you believe). We’re pleased to report that the young guys were able to do what the old guys couldn’t ---- they won the entire tournament in the open age division --- and did so convincingly, doing all those things we “mature” men no longer quite manage (running, jumping, shooting, breathing, being able to reach our own shoelaces)!

So ---- on behalf of all the old men of STILL HERE:

“Welcome to the team young guys! For years we’ve taken great pleasure in sharing time with all our brothers. We’re proud to now do the same with all our sons!”

P.S. We’ll try not to give you too much fatherly advice from the sidelines. You obviously do pretty damn well on your own!

P.S.S. We still think we’re faster, stronger and more handsome than the younger generation. Do us a favor and let us think so for a few more years!

STILL HERE:BETWEEN BEERS AND BASKETBALL

Click to enlarge

WE OLD GUYS MAY LOSE OUR VERTICAL LEAP --- BUT OUR HORIZONTAL GAME REMAINS STRONG!

THIS YEAR'S MOST DISTURBING --- YET ODDLY ROMANTIC PHOTO

For I'm called Little Buttercup -- dear Little Buttercup,
Though I could never tell why,
But still I'm called Buttercup -- poor little Buttercup,
Sweet Little Buttercup I!

OK ---- now YOU lead!

DELAYED STRESS FROM THE ‘NAM CAUSES STEVE TO THROW HIMSELF ON THE BALL IN A BRAVE YET DELUSIONAL EFFORT TO SAVE DAMON FROM “THAT BIG ORANGE GRENADE!"

STILL HERE LOSES HEARTBREAKER IN OVERTIME. HOT CHICKEN WINGS AND BEER MAKE LIFE AGAIN WORTH LIVING.

Dealing with the loss of a close game is like the memory of Suzy Dumplingbutt, the first girl every guy has been dumped by the day after a Boone’s Farm wine-soaked night of getting sooooooooo close to paradise in the back seat of Dad’s ‘69 Oldsmobile.

On one hand there is pride in having worked hard enough and smart enough to get a hickey the size of a mantra ray, pleasingly visible on the neck, to show off to less accomplished friends.

On the other hand, there is the lifelong dull pain of seeing Suzy wiggle off to the prom with Tad Musclenutz, captain of every team known to sports.

Although STILL HERE has been handed its collective rump (which is quite a large rump) in so many games for so many years that we handle defeat fairly well ---- our exit from this year’s tournament brought back the old familiar dull pain of loss.

We played so well.

Steve, Damon, Rock and Pops played some of their best ball in many moons, but every guy also contributed along the way.

We came back from about 10 points down to take the lead in the closing seconds of regulation play ---- only to be forced into overtime at the buzzer by a three-point shot heaved up by an opposing player who was falling backwards, sideways, had his eyes closed, was farting, fainting and saying prayers of desperation which, unfortunately, were answered by the deities of basketball.

In overtime we just ran out of gas. Basketball is a cruel mistress.

All that can be said is that we played with heart --- we played with true STILL HERE old-school spirit --- and we can live the rest of our lives knowing that somewhere in her trailor park squalor, Suzy Dumplingbutt-Musclenutz, with her fat, gin-drinking husband Tad (who needs to eat Viagra like popcorn) still thinks about us late at night and knows that maybe --- just maybe --- she made the wrong choice!

STILL HERE SOARS TO A VICTORY ON THE WINGS OF THE FALCON

Falcon war cries sounded throughout the gym as Eddie "The Falcon" Smith popped a smooth three pointer in a big victory by STILL HERE, effectively keeping us in the hunt for the tournament trophy. As miserably as we played during the first game, we played like hairy chested behemoths today, easily cruising to an important win.

Coming up big were Joe Rog whose hair-trigger three-point shooting was key. Steve "Vanilla Quake" Meadows, even with a big fat fluid-filled knee was a monster down low. Pops, yelling at himself like a crazed pirate, turned in a great self-motivated performance!

POPS GETS A FRIENDLY SQUEEZE ON THE JOHNSON. AN OLD STILL HERE TRADITION FOR A JOB WELL DONE

ROCK DISCOVERS THERE IS A SHOT OTHER THAN A THREE-POINTER

In his only non-three point shot of the tournament Rock Supan intrigues the crowd by shooting the ball up through the bottom of the net instead of over the top of the rim.

OK --- out of fairness to Rock he splashed five three-pointers in the first game. Our only bright spot, God help us --- that will only encourage him!

OPPOSING PLAYER BECOMES CONFUSED AND CREDITS D-REX FOR A TOUCHTOWN

FIRST GAME IS A SQUEAKER. STILL HERE COMES WITHIN 30 POINTS OF SENDING CONTEST INTO OVERTIME!

These two photos tell it all. The pain. The agony. The blur of defeat. In the final analysis we blame the scorekeeper for shorting us one bucket which would have made it a 28-point loss --- and Paul Liesem for refusing to draw up planned plays despite our begging and pleas. Even the wives in attendance would not look at us afterwards. Our children began calling guys on the other team "Dad." Even the beer afterwards tasted like bitter vetch and sour bile. Well --- OK --- the beer tasted just fine. We bounce back fast!

PROOF OF THE PREVIOUS POST. VANILLA QUAKE PACKS HIS GYM BAG WITH A CANOE AND AN IRISH RETRIEVER

WHY OLD MEN SHOULD NEVER CRITICIZE WOMEN FOR OVER-PACKING

Here is a universal truth about old guy basketball:

More sports injuries are caused by gym bags than by actually playing the game.

Here’s why.

The older a man gets the more he is aware of everything that can kill or main him. Therefore: the older a man gets the more inclined he is to overdoing the Boy Scout’s motto: “Be prepared.”

Put in more bucolic terms: the older a man gets the more crap he lugs around with him.

For example, we of STILL HERE have repeatedly been embarrassed by causing ourselves to be mistakenly identified as team packed for making a full assault on the north face of Mount Everest.

In warm months we are prone to actually hefting around huge coolers of cold water, ice packs, sun screen and chapstick. In the winter our duffels are crammed with hot water thermos jugs, heat packs, bear fat and chapstick. During any season the inventories include aspirin, ibuprofen (if the aspirin doesn’t work), morphine drips (you can’t be too careful), splints, knee braces, nut cups, ankle wrap, finger and wrist tape, head bands, artificial hair, birth certificates, lucky socks, lucky pennies, lucky chapstick, spare nut cup, energy bars (uppers), fruit rollups (downers), the occasional copy of JUGS, August 1972 (great year, great month --- check out Trixie VaVoom), original scent Ben Gay, Old Spice, odor eater shoe inserts, complete team uniform except for everything forgotten at home in the laundry hamper, loose change for beer, cell phone, car keys, Gatorade bottle with green fur growing on the inside --- and that’s only the stuff left over from last year’s tournament.

In short: young guys come equipped to play basketball.

Old guys come equipped to survive Armageddon.

STILL HERE --- A BASKETBALL TEAM WITH AN AVERAGE AGE AND AVERAGE MIDRIFF SIZE THAT MATCH!

It’s old man basketball time again.

On March 13-14 and (hopefully) 15, STILL HERE will be on the road with its team of relics to compete in the 50-55 year-old age bracket at the 2009 Buffalo Masters Basketball Tournament.

Of interest to statisticians, the average age of our team of eleven fossils is 53. That is EXACTLY the same average size of our waistbands. We have somehow achieved a remarkable harmony with the universe.

Our average height, by the way, is 6 feet even but there is suspicion afoot that some have lied about their vertical challenges. A quick glance at the squad suggests that we have recruited at least a few leprechauns.

The 2009 STILL HERE (BARELY HERE) TEAM consists of:

Damon “D-Rex” Skinner
Bart “WIlbur” Skinner
Rick Burgess
Paul “Pops” Stallings
Joe Rog
Eddie “The Falcon” Smith
Paul Liesem
Steve “Vanilla Quake” Meadows
John “JT” Takacs
Rock “Rock” Supan
Mark Bruner

You’ll notice that we have more nicknames than a mafia family.

This year’s official tour name is:

STILL HERE --- THE FALCON TAKES FLIGHT

This is in honor of Eddie “The Falcon” Smith’s efforts in 2008 when he played on despite having lost the ability to see in color. That was shortly after he also had lost complete sensation in one half of his butt. It is only fitting that his ability to rise again and take flight be recognized by his teammates.

We are very pleased to have Joe Rog and Paul Liesem join us this year. Both are smart, reliable basketball players. At least that’s what they tell us. Joe is a veteran of STILL HERE’s Iceland tournament and a vicious three point shooter. Paul is a veteran of some very productive STILL HERE beer drinking sessions and has a great mid-range shot.

The most uproariously funny suggestion so far, in fact, comes from Paul Liesem who, in all sincerity, suggested that we develop a few offensive plays for the tournament. Poor guy. STILL HERE hasn’t run a preplanned play since 2004 when Damon set a pick during the third quarter, then wheeled left to the concession stand for a hot dog and Pepsi. THAT was a preplanned play!

STILL HERE WINS 2008 PINNACLE SUMMER LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP

STILL HERE WINS SENIOR OLYMPICS BRONZE MEDAL DESPITE BEST EFFORTS OF TANYA HARDING

From top to bottom:

• Olympic athletes respond to STILL HERE's performance in the 2008 Ohio Senior Olympics.

• The team bedecked in bronze medals. Shortly thereafter we all gave them back to protest the travesty of the Russian Basketball Team being given the gold during the 1972 Munich Olympics.

• Doing what the team does best. East. Drink. Laugh.

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: STILL HERE MEETS IMMOVABLE OBJECT IN SECOND GAME. ALL DOES NOT END WELL.

In game two, STILL HERE came up against a very nice man who also happens to be so large he can be in the lane for three seconds without actually being in the lane at all. He was a force. He was a zip code. He was a planet. Quote of the day credited to Damon Skinner: "He treated us like we were his cell mates." That, by the way, is a compliment. If you listen carefully you can hear the feminine wimperings of the usually robust tandem of Skinner and Bruner as they tremble in the corner squeaking about that big mean man who handed them their asses like two week-old jelly doughnuts. In one photo above you will see D-Rex about to receive an unwelcome procto exam. In the other you will notice Pops reaching over to touch the Big Man just to see if he is real. Advice of the day from our shooting guard, Rick Burgess, offered to Skinner and Bruner as a helpful suggestion: "All you have to do is just box that guy out." Thanks Rick. Guess who gets to guard the ManMountain next time!

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: TAKACS SCORES BUT IN SO DOING BECOMES PERMANENTLY BLURRY. IT HAD TO HAPPEN SOMETIME.

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: OPPOSING PLAYER TURNS INTO A BRAIN-EATING ZOMBIE AND TRIES TO BITE PAUL ON THE NOGGIN

SENIOR OLYMPICS 2008: RICK BURGESS DEMONSTRATES TO BOTH TEAMS HOW HE WORKED HIS WAY THROUGH SCHOOL AS AN EXOTIC DANCER.

STILL HERE ADVANCES THE STUDY OF GERONTOLOGY BY ENTERING A SQUAD IN THE OHIO SENIOR OLYMPICS.

An Over-50 STILL HERE traveling team consisting of Paul Stallings, Damon Skinner, John Takacs, Rick Burgess and Mark Bruner will be doing sweaty combat in this year’s 3-on-3 basketball category of the Ohio Senior Olympics, to be held Saturday May 3 at Memorial Hall, University of Akron.

And no --- for all the inevitable smart-asses out there --- I did NOT mean to say: “Special Olympics.”

We were struck by the fact that the regulations for fielding a 3-on-3 team in the Senior Olympics program allows for a total roster of ten guys. After chuckling about the need to bring ten guys to fill three positions we then recalled that the ideal number of guys to fill five positions in our recent trip to the Masters Tournament in Buffalo would have been about 86. If our past record of injuries is any indication we may be down to two guys by the time we all get done taking our vigorous pre-game craps.

In looking down the list of sports recognized by the Ohio Senior Olympics program, the MARBLE SHOOTING category caught our eyes. I kid you not. Marble shooting is an Olympic sport for the elderly. We opted not to switch sports, however, for fear that Damon would inevitably pull two hamstrings and a groin muscle while trying to get up and off his knees to shoot an Aggie.

In other pre-tournament news, J.T. has exercised his veto power as our resident Right Winger to nix suggestions from more politically liberal quarters that STILL HERE use the Olympic event to stage some type of protest against China. Some of us still intend to have FREE TIBET written in magic marker on our jock straps.

Perhaps the most disconcerting part of the event, to-date, has been the indication by Paul that information on the Senior Olympics flows through the University of Akron’s department of AGING AND GERONTOLOGY which, presumably, is right next door to the University of Akron’s department of LIVER SPOTS AND RIGOR MORTIS.

Stay tuned, faithful readers. Damage reports will follow the Saturday games and sometime after the mandatory post-game consumption of healthy beverages.

STILL HERE: ICELAND, 2005

A video clip from STILL HERE's triumphant performances during the 2005 Icelandic Amateur Basketball Tournament. A short version of Steve Meadow's Vanilla Shake and Quake move. And the results.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZisN2Knku8

Despite having his water bottle full of Iceland's national booze: BLACK DEATH, Bob Campbell calmly hits a long shot over a much younger, somewhat dazed Viking defender.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeEWPoLhr6w

After the games --- relaxing in the Blue Lagoon geothermic lake. The crud on the faces of STILL HERE is volcanic clay dredged off the bottom of the pond from between the toes of tourists. Honest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfyJC-rFeJY

STILL HERE FINISHES BUFFALO MASTERS TOURNAMENT AHEAD OF ALL OTHER TEAMS IN THE UNITED STATES THAT DID NOT ENTER THE TOURNAMENT!

STILL HERE took its lumps in Game Three and got bumped out of the tournament. Although we would have liked to have made it to the final level we simply ran out of guys with things like limbs and appendages that still worked. Despite that fact we agreed, as a team, that we learned what the Masters Tournament is all about and know that we can compete at this level. When were were at full strength we won convincingly. We let one game that we should have won get away from us. All of that makes us inclined to try again. More is better and we are STILL HERE!

OLD BOYS DROP THIRD GAME BUT MAINTAIN FORM AND DIGNITY WITH WORLD CLASS CONSUMPTION OF CHICKEN WINGS AND BEER.

PHOTO POTPOURRI